My Heart Isn't In It
by padfoot's prose
Summary: Rose has watched Scorpius for years, trying to convince herself not to love him. But when she writes him a letter to tell him how she feels, what will it reveal? RosexScorpius


**For the HPFC Rose vs. Lily Challenge. I apologise that all my Rose/Scorpius pieces end up dishearteningly depressing, but this is a little less intense than _Amor Est Vitae Essentia_ and _Amantes Sunt Amentes_.**

**

* * *

**

_Pairing: Rose/Scorpius_

_Era: Next-Gen, around Rose's 4th/5th year_

_Word Count: 860_

_Prompt: "My Heart Died A While Back" - Eragon by Christopher Paolini_

* * *

Malfoy,

You don't know me. I know that. I'm not trying to fool anyone into thinking that you do. Not even myself. Although, honestly, it might be a bit late for that.

However, I _do_ know you.

Every afternoon you go to the library and sit in isle #12. You spread your books out on the little table there and work in absolute silence until almost everyone else has gone down to dinner. One day, a boy waited for you, standing at the end of the isle and nervously asking if you wanted to walk to the Great Hall with him. That boy's name was Albus Potter, and simply because of the Gryffindor scarf that was wound around his neck, you cursed him from behind your wall of books.

Albus was in the Hospital Wing for five hours before they figured out how to stop the bleeding.

Remember that? I'll bet you do. I'll bet you feel bad about it, too, even though you wish you didn't. Even though you wish you didn't feel remorse, I know you do. You're human, Malfoy, behind the facade, just like the rest of us.

To be honest, I guess I sort of liked you back then. Back when I used to sit in isle #10, just so I could glance at you through the gaps in the bookcases. You fascinated me – surely that quiet, intelligent, studious boy couldn't be the one my parents had warned me about?

Dad told me to make sure I beat you in every test. I wanted to make him proud, so I tried to do what he said. I tried to study more, work harder, push myself further than I thought anyone else possibly could.

I tried, and I failed.

Everyone stared at me in that first Transfiguration class, when we did those quizzes and I cried when I got my mark back. People laughed and teased and pointed, and the poor girl sitting beside me didn't know what to do, not sure if she should try to comfort me or hoot along with the others.

Did you ever know that was your fault? On my first day of school, in my first class – it was you who made me cry. You'd never even spoken a word to me, and already you'd hurt me.

Angie became my friend after that.

We used to talk about you, you know. While we sat in isle #10, doing our work, we'd whisper about you. Wonder why your marks were always so high. Speculate on how you managed to stay ahead of the top two Ravenclaws in the year. Angie used to say you must be cheating, but I defended you. I never knew why I'd do it, but every time I'd stand up for you, as if secretly hoping that you'd stand up for me too.

How stupid was I, right?

It disappeared after a while, those weird feelings that would somersault in my stomach whenever someone said your name. I thought I might be stuck with my stupid crush forever, but after a while it faded. After I saw what you did to Albus it disappeared altogether.

Lily came to Hogwarts that year, the year my crush on you ended.

Everyone thought she was perfect – the genius that I'd failed to be. Sometimes I'd humour myself that you thought she was perfect, too: how ironic it would be if you, the strange, silent Malfoy boy, were to fall for her. I'll admit that part of my fantasy came from a desire for revenge. I wanted her to hurt you like you'd hurt her brother, like you'd hurt me by hurting her brother. I wanted you to feel that disappointment that only comes when someone who you think is so flawless proves you wrong.

But you never did.

Angie got a boyfriend that year – Derek the Gryffindor. I got a boyfriend as well – Patrick, one of the Chasers on the Ravenclaw Qudditch team. He made you fall off your broom once, remember? You broke your leg, I think. We could hear it crack, even from the stands.

Chasers don't stick around for long, though, and Patrick and I broke up soon after that game. He said it felt like my heart wasn't in it. Oh, how right he was...

Kind of strange isn't it, how I'm telling you all these things? I guess you might be curious why. I sure would be. It's because I need to tell you something, and it didn't feel right to tell it to someone who doesn't know me. Well, now you do.

- Rose Weasley.

P.S. Still haven't figured it out? Think back to that time last week, when we spoke for the first time ever. I asked you why I could never beat you in a test, and you told me, "Your heart isn't in it." I didn't understand, at first, but then it came to me. So read the first letter of every paragraph, and then force yourself to come to terms with this:

You can bring it back to life.

I love you.

Love me back?

* * *

**I know the ending's cheesy and stuff... complain by reviewing!**


End file.
